


We were Lost

by orphan_account



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Angst, Engagement, F/M, Feels, Heartbreak, Hurts So Good, Imagine Loki Prompt, Loki Feels, Loki fucked up, Past Relationships, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 17:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was a prompt request for the lovely DigitalBath. </p>
<p>Loki left the reader for Sygin but came back years later to admit he made a mistake and missed her. But it was too late because she moved on and has a fiance, who is Tom Hiddleston. </p>
<p>[One Shot][First Person POV]</p>
            </blockquote>





	We were Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [digitalbath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/digitalbath/gifts).



> This was another one that was actually fun to write, angsty Loki is becoming one of my favorite ways of writing him. 
> 
> I hope this breaks your heart, because it kind of broke mine when I wrote it.

I keep staring at the rock on my finger; it’s beautiful, simple and elegant like that man that had given it to me. I had to focus to stop myself from skipping down the dampened sidewalk, the rain had thankfully stopped by the time I was leaving work, and the sun was setting into the light grey clouds. I couldn’t help but feel elated, I never thought I would feel this way again, it was as if every dark part of my past had been erased, I was high on happiness and the realization that I would be marrying the one and only, Tom Hiddleston. 

I kept rubbing my right hand over my left just to feel the ridges of the oval cut diamond. The shops I walked by reflected my left hand and I knew I probably looked like some creepy idiot, smiling so broadly in the reflection, but I didn’t care. The smell of wet grass wafted up to my nose as I crossed over the park to my condo and today I could look at the thick oak tree in the center of it without my heart welling up in pain. It was gone, the devastating pain he had caused me no longer in my body, Tom had freed me of it without even trying. His blue eyes danced in my head as I shoved my key into the door, but when I turned the key nothing happened, my door had been unlocked.

Panic shot through me and I went over all the self-defense moves I had seen in videos on the internet, but with my scrawny arms I probably wouldn’t be able to do much. I gripped my keys and stuck them between my fingers as I pushed open the door; my heartbeat was pounding in my ears. I felt for the light switch along the wall and flipped it on, my eyes frantically searching for anything else amiss. Everything seemed to be in order, the kitchen light was still off, but the floor lamp in the living room was glowing. I peered around the open archway and my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. 

His onyx hair was stacked perfectly against his neck; he was facing the TV flipping through the channels like he still lived here. I gulped and took a step forward on shaking legs, my heart now felt like it was about to beat out of my chest and bile was rising from my stomach, singing my throat. 

“What are you doing here Loki?” I asked trying to make my voice even.

He turned to me with his jade eyes and a soft smile on his lips, as if we were long lost friends. He rose slowly from my couch and turned his body to face me, he was still lean and toned but there was something different. He was wearing black jeans that clung to his body and he had on a simple green t-shirt. In the two years we were together he never wore clothes like this. It was something I had begged him to do many times, just so we could feel like a normal couple but he always scoffed at my ideas. 

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” 

Is he serious?

“I’m pretty sure the last time we saw each other you left me crying, in the snow as you left me for your wife, whom you never mentioned before. Did you get bored of her too?” I ask, folding my arms against my chest.

He’s smiling now. He always loved my mouth, the naughty things I spoke, my sarcasm, my wit. It was taking everything in my power not to throat punch him. He walks towards me while running a pale hand through his hair and is switching his gaze between the floor and me. I’ve never seen him this way, I can’t tell if it’s a game or not. Those were his favorite after all; anything to rile the next person up until he grew bored and moved on. 

“It was a mistake, leaving you.” He says sincerely. “Sigyn and I are done, we should have never started.” 

There is silence after his words; the air is getting thick around me. I want to speak but nothing comes to me, I felt like a truck had hit me. I don’t know what bothered me more, that I couldn’t tell if he was lying or that I was happy about it. I ran my finger over the ring on my left hand, suddenly feeling flashes of anger. When he had left, I had done nothing but cry on my knees in the snow like a dog, begging him not to leave me. It was the weakest point of my entire life, I would have given anything to have him back.

The passing of cars on the wet streets were the only sounds coming from my house. It had never been this quiet; it had never been this cold. He was a ghost, a depiction of a former life that I had no intention of ever returning too. I had found someone who loved me enough not to leave my side, who wanted me, all of me. 

“Why did you leave then?” I put my hand over my mouth, that’s not what I wanted to say.

Loki stepped towards me with a disgruntled look on his face; he opened his mouth to speak but stopped cold in his tracks. His eyes widen and I realize my left hand is covering my mouth, the diamond ring shining in the light from the corner lamp. I want to move my hand, to hide it out of fear but I can’t, I’m frozen in his gaze. 

His brow furrows and he places his hands over his face, he groans with a mix between agony and anger and turns to face the window. I teeter between the urge of wanting to hug him and wanting to laugh, cruelty is not a trait I thought I had in me but he always seems to bring the monster out of me. His hands slide down so that they only cover his lips now; he’s staring out the window as yellow beams from cars flash between the blinds. I can’t help but roam over his profile, his t-shirt clings tightly to his form, but he is not even attractive to me anymore. The emptiness I feel when I look at him is comforting, but it how it came to be there brings sadness to me, what we had to me was so special and he just threw it away. Though it’s not painful anymore, I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat when I think of him with another woman.

“Who is he?” he whispers.

The rain has started again, coming down in loud thumps on the roof as a mallet hits a drum. I can’t concentrate, I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and it makes me jump. I pull it from my pocket, Tom’s face flashes on the screen and perfect eyes bring a smile to my face. I can’t help but sigh, which causes Loki to lunge towards me. I scream and step back, slamming against the wall painfully.

The look on his face is pure terror, his breathing is erratic but he stops so he is a few feet before me, his eyes look glossed over. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, I never could, his emotions were always mixed, spinning and turning every direction so that I couldn’t know him like I knew Tom. My hand is shaking when I slide the answer button and place it on my ear.

“H-hello?” I stutter.

“ _Darling, are you alright? I hadn’t heard from you since you took your lunch break, the rain is dreadful I wanted to make sure you got home safe_ ” his voice is cheerful but cut with worry.

“I’m alright, just watching a scary movie. I’m sorry, the rain must be messing with my reception, I thought I had responded to your text earlier” I lie through my teeth.

Loki is still panting but his lips have curved into a familiar snarl. I can tell how angry he’s getting, Tom’s voice is clear as crystal, it doesn’t take genius to figure out he’s seeping with jealousy. For someone who forgot to mention he had a wife, he sure didn’t like another man having me.

“ _I’m just finishing reading this script then I was going to come over with a bottle of wine, maybe you can pause your movie until I get there? I know how you hate watching horror films alone_ ” he says with a laugh.

“That sounds lovely, I’ll make popcorn. See you soon” I say back. 

“ _I love you,_ ” his voice has dropped into that sweet, seductive voice he knows makes my knees weak.

Here it was, this was either going to get me killed or make him leave. 

“I love you too, Tom” 

More silence, the rain is pounding harder; it sounds like a hurricane outside. I wait for Loki’s reaction; I can see a thousand thoughts running through his head. I grip my phone in my hand, though I doubt it could be a good weapon against a God. He sucks in air through his teeth, looks down at the floor, and begins pacing. He’s running his hands through his hair and muttering in a lost language, he looks like a deranged man fresh from the asylum. 

“You should go, Loki” my voice is suddenly stronger.

Then he looks up at me and for the first time there are neither walls nor tricks, it is raw emotion that I see. His eyes have a look about them I have only seen in very few people, like their entire world was lost to them, never to return. He swallows hard and falls to his knees, wrapping his arms around my waist. His hair tickles my stomach and I stiffen, his touch sends a sick feeling down my entire body.

“I can’t live without you” he whispers.

The flashes of nights spent crying in my bed with a bottle of vodka come back to me in screaming light, all I had wished for was this moment. Months I spent wallowing, hardly able to concentrate on my work, having to run to the bathroom every few hours to burst into tears. I replayed this moment over and over in my head, each scenario I was strong and made him feel like absolute shit, but in the end I always took him back. Only in real life, in the heat of the moment, I could never imagine myself with him. The pain in my heart subsided long ago, but there is always a scar that will never heal, that will always keep me from returning to him.

“I don’t love you anymore.” with that I push him off me. 

He sits there, staring at me in disbelief. I ignore him; I walk to my kitchen and grab a glass from the counter in the darkness. I don’t regret my decision, I don’t regret loving him but I regret not being able to hate him. Agony is a something that runs through life; I’ve come to learn that it is inevitable. I could thank him for giving me strength, but he didn’t, I gave it to myself the day I decided to leave him in the past. Tom helped me to the finish line, but I was the one who started. I gulp down the water and head back to the living room, half expecting it to be on fire.

It’s empty, there is nothing left of him. He is gone, just as he had gone before. This time I am not left alone, I am not left empty. I fiddle with the ring again and hear the door creak open, I hear Tom talking on the phone to someone. He turns the corner to the living room with a bottle of wine under his arm, he looks annoyed but when his eyes meet mine they light up, and I embrace him, and Loki’s words fade away into the sound of the rain.


End file.
